Thursday, April 30, 2009

Reviewing Zombie Uprising Preparations

With the declaration of a Global Zombie Outbreak Watch, it is a good time to review zombie outbreak safety tips:

1. Stockpile supplies. Dry goods, canned goods, and drinking water should be high on the list. Ammunition and maintenance supplies/equipment for your firearms. Comfortable, but tight, work clothes. Sturdy, broken-in shoes or boots. Beware of frozen foods and other stockpile items that require electricity to maintain. Power will be an unreliable luxury once the dead walk the earth. Building supplies and hand tools are a must. Trying to find plywood before a hurricane hits is a difficult and expensive chore, but pre-hurricane winds will not try to eat your brains while you are fetching the materials.

2. The best defense is a good defense. Prepare to barricade yourself in a sturdy, defendable building with stockpiled supplies. Get this organized before the pandemic becomes a full blown outbreak! Make sure you retain sight lines and high shooting ports in your defenses.

3. Guns are nice, but crowbars, blades, swords, pikes, and machetes never run out of ammunition.

4. Lose a few pounds. That beer gut and love handles are just another item on the zombie buffet. They slow you down, make you less nimble, and require you to consume more precious food and water. Tone up now.

5. Keep or cut your hair short. Long hair is just a clean plate at the zombie buffet.

6. Be prepared to move. Be prepared to move without the luxury of internal combustion engines. Buy a bike and get a comfortable backpack. You can peddle faster than the living dead can run.

7. Team up with people you can trust. If you don’t trust anyone, then team up with hot chicks with poor appetites and people who run slower than you do.

No comments:

Post a Comment